Heart
by HalKJAkiko
Summary: Angst. RuHanaRu. Hanamichi's in a coma and he might not live... can Rukawa live without Hanamichi? And what'll he do? Expect twists and turns... on hiatus till future notice
1. Prologue

**Heart **

A/N: This is an angst fiction that suddenly dawned on me on a rainy day... I promise to update the chapters soon and you don't have to worry that I won't because June Holiday's coming!

Dedication: This fic is specially for all rainy days... dedicated to all forms of water (especially ice)... all forms of fire... and just for myself...

Disclaimer: The usual: don't own, don't sue.

Genre: yaoi (what else do you expect?); deathfic; a little, okay maybe a lot of, angst

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Prologue

The rain fell... just as the maple leaves did. A young man, or rather, a boy in his late teens, could be seen cycling in the rain. He seemed to be oblivious to the rain as those heavy water droplets hammered on him mercilessly and trickled down his face... down the neck... into the opening of the shirt. Those eyes were looking forward, set with determination to arrive at his destination. Nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death, could hinder him.  
  
It seemed weird to see this teen so awake. Well, he had been awake quite a lot these days. Those usual sleepy eyes were now dark and had a distant look in them. He had been doing a lot of thinking these few days, even in the rare moment of his sleep, disturbing his already-tormented mind. The lack of good sleep had made his pale features paler and obvious dark rings could be seen under his blue eyes. His hair, no longer sleek or soft and shiny, hung in a limp, lifeless and tangled mess around his delicate face. This was Rukawa, yet this was not. This was a different Rukawa. Within a week, he had changed drastically, so drastic that even his closest friends could not recognize him. Well he still spoke little, or none at all, and he still had that emotionless mask over his face. But anyone, and everyone, could sense the air of sadness and despair enveloping him.  
  
The rain continued to fall and the boy continued to cycle. He could not feel the coldness of the pouring rain nor could he feel the chillness of the autumn wind. But he could feel the emptiness in him, in his heart. The growing void within him threatened to consume him, how that hurt, how that tormented him.  
  
The boy pulled over and parked his bicycle at the tent and dashed towards the building that was his destination.


	2. Chapter I

A/N: This is an angst fiction that suddenly dawned on me on a rainy day... I promise to update the chapters soon and you don't have to worry that I won't because June Holiday's coming!

Dedication: This fic is specially for all rainy days... dedicated to all forms of water (especially ice)... all forms of fire... and just for myself...

Disclaimer: The usual: don't own, don't sue.

Genre: yaoi (what else do you expect?); deathfic; a little, okay maybe a lot of, angst

* * *

Chapter I

Dripping with rainwater from his hair and clothes, and ignoring the nurses' call, he entered the ward. There, on the bed, lay that one missing piece from his heart, that one missing piece that could fill all the void he was now feeling. The face was of little colour, of little life, same old koibito of his but different just as he was different himself. Those brown eyes that used to warm him were now tightly closed, so were those lips that used to shape his name. How he yearned to hear that loud and boisterous voice again or see those amazing pools but all he could do now was to sit and stare at the lifeless form. He wanted to touch the ghostly-white face, those closed eyes, those pale lips. He wanted to run his fingers through the soft red hair again. But he could not. He was wet, he could not risk his koibito's life just for a moment of his own pleasure. Neither did he want to leave his koibito's side to dry himself. Not even one split moment. Everything was silent and the form in front of him could just be dead if not for the constant reminder from the beeping of the machine that monitored heartbeat.  
  
"Rukawa?" Ayako tapped the silent boy's shoulder upon entering the ward. Rukawa did not response.  
  
"Rukawa..." Ayako tried again. "Rukawa! Please dry yourself, you'll get sick if you don't."  
  
"I don't want to leave Hana's side."  
  
"But..." Ayako frantically tried to search for a reason. "I'm sure Hana would want you to do that. I mean, you surely want to be the first person Hana sees when he wakes up. You don't want to be stuck in a bed when that happens, do you?"  
  
Rukawa's head snapped up at that comment. "Bring me towel."  
  
Ayako gladly requested one from a nurse. The ward was once again silent. The quietness was suffocating her and tears threatened to flow as she watched Rukawa dry himself without taking an eye off Hanamichi.  
  
"Would you mind leaving us alone? I have something to tell Hana." Rukawa suddenly spoke.  
  
"But..."  
  
"Please."  
  
"Sigh. Okay. But I've brought your favourite porridge and a carton of milk. Remember to eat okay? Don't tire yourself out." Ayako sighed as she left the room with one last glance at the boy seated at the bedside. Rukawa just nodded.  
  
After he made sure that Ayako had gone and he had locked the door, Rukawa sat down again beside the bed. He held the unconscious red-head's hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze.  
  
"Hana... wake up. You've slept for a long time already. I missed you terribly. I want to play one-on-one with you again. And I promise that I would not be so obsessed with my work and spend more time with you." Rukawa spoke to the sleeping form in front of him.  
  
"Hey, do you remember the promise you made? You said you'll always be by my side, never to leave me but to share my every joy, every sorrow, my every victory, every failure. But you weren't there when I won my first game with the Japanese National team.  
  
"You selfish do'aho. You are here in your happy dreamland but you don't care about anyone else's feeling... you don't care about my suffering, you don't wake up and comfort me... you don't keep to your promise...  
  
"I know you can hear me, you do'aho. I know you can hear me... so you better wake up this very moment or I'll never bother about you any...anymore..." Rukawa chocked and his voice threatened to break.  
  
"Do'aho... I missed you calling me 'baka kistune'... no one calls me that... no one except you. Do'aho... remember that day when you first kissed me? You said you'd never tasted anything sweeter and asked me how I felt. I shrugged that question off. Well, now let me tell you. You taste like heaven, the moment our lips touched, I felt myself drifting to paradise. You are the only one to make me feel that way... and I want that feeling again... please Hana..." Pause, silence. Rukawa squeezed his eyes shut, to prevent any tear from rolling down, and brushed his lips lightly over the lifeless hand in his own.  
  
"Hana... remember our first date?" Rukawa, now desperate to talk about anything to fill the ward that was pregnant with silence, asked. "It was a disaster, ne? and I never had a chance to make up for that... if you'll just wake up, I'll take you to anywhere you fancy... is it Danny's? I'd already asked the boss to reserve your favourite spot... it's there waiting for you... everything is prepared, all waiting for you to wake up... won't you say you'll wake up? Even if it's just for one second... just to see how disastrous you've left me. Then you can decide whether to go back to sleep again...  
  
"Oh ya, Ayako-san was here just now, she brought porridge, my favourite... also yours, ne? So if you don't wake up, I'll finish the whole pot. Hey, you remember that time I was high with fever? You were all over me, fussing about this and that and kept asking what I wanted... to keep you from breathing down my neck... I offhandedly told you that I wanted my favourite porridge... and you bolted up at that instant and said you'll be back in a moment. But after sometime, I smelt a burnt smell and a yelp from the kitchen. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the kitchen. There you were sucking on a burnt fingering and cursing the burnt porridge. When you saw me, you pouted and said you'd never make any porridge anymore... that expression on your face was unforgettable and so hilarious... haha..."  
  
Rukawa's laughter soon died as he felt a lump in his throat and this time, he finally broke down and sobbed. Tears rolled down his cheeks uncontrollably as he hung his head low, hand still holding on to Hanamichi's lifeless one tightly.  
  
"Hana..." Rukawa chocked. Tired with the crying, but more from the emotional torture, Rukawa collapsed into a deep sleep, with his head cushioned on one side of the bed, his hand still tightly holding on to the other's.  
  
A nurse came in as it was lights out time. There, beside the bed, slept Rukawa. She quickly took an extra blanket and covered the sleeping boy. Although the hospital's rule was that no visitor was allowed after light out but Rukawa was special case. Everyone in the hospital knew Rukawa by now. He was such a frequent visitor that everyone suspected if he ever left the hospital besides going for his JNT training. The hospital had made special exception for Rukawa to stay after lights out ever since that particular incident when he showed violence upon requested to leave.  
  
"Sakuragi Hanamichi... you are really lucky to have such a devoted lover... sigh... I hope miracle will dawn on you two..." The nurse sighed as she left the ward.

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A/N: A long chapter... hope you like it, do review!


	3. Chapter II

A/N: ah... Thank you ZeroCool.0 & Miyahara Yuuki for reviewing. Actually I'm sick today... but after getting your reviews... I was brightened up! Thank you for your support. This chapter goes out to you two. And for ZeroCoo1.0's question about whether I'm going to make Hanamichi die since I said it's a deathfic... well... you'll see... expect the unexpected... okay, that's lame... heehee...

Dedication: This fic is specially for all rainy days... dedicated to all forms of water (especially ice)... all forms of fire... and just for myself...

Disclaimer: The usual: don't own, don't sue.

Genre: yaoi (what else do you expect?); deathfic; a little, okay maybe a lot of, angst

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Chapter II

[next day, in the Kogure's office]

"Kaede..." Kogure-sempai, who was now the doctor in-charged of Hanamichi peered through his glasses at the pale boy sitting across him.

"Hn."

"Kaede... I know this is going to be hard but as a doctor, it's my duty to update you on Hanamichi's condition...I hate to say this but..."

"Get on with it." Rukawa was trying to keep the anxiety from his voice, trying to regain his usual cold composure, but he was failing terribly.

"Hanamichi's condition had worsen..." Kogure seemed as if on the verge of tears as he revealed this information of his good friend... the friend who was once so vibrant and brought colours to everyone's life...

"How...how bad?" Rukawa's voice was trembling now... and his knuckles were turning white because he was gripping the arms of the chair a little too hard.

"The hole in his heart is enlarging... if we cannot get a suitable heart for transplant soon... I'm afraid..." Kogure's voice broke... and he looked away for he could not bear to see the pain he, or rather, the information, was inflicting on the boy in front of him. One good friend of his was lying on the hospital bed, not knowing when he would awake, if he ever, and here, in front of him... another good friend was also suffering... suffering from not being able to help his koibito. Kogure could clearly see that Rukawa was feeling the pain Hanamichi was feeling, maybe even more...Just when their love was beginning to stabilize and was blooming with happiness... this damned disease had to come and bring Hanamichi into a coma. How could heaven be so cruel? How could fate be so brutal? How could anyone bear to see these two, who loved each other more than their own lives, be separated by life and death? He had asked the heaven many times, but he got no answer. He had also asked his own koibito, Mitsui, these questions... but Mitsui would not answer him and just held him tight.  
  
"...I'm afraid that he might only have two more months of life left..."

"Two... two months? Only two months?" Rukawa swallowed, blinking hard to keep tears at bay. Silence filled the office.

"Where's all those donors when we need them?! Why aren't there any suitable heart?" Rukawa banged his fist on the table, shaking with fury. He was furious that they still had not find any suitable heart after a painstaking month's of search. But... he was more furious that he could do nothing to help his koibito... and soon... soon he would have to let his beloved Hana go... soon he would not be able to see those brown eyes... those red hair... nor hear that voice... or smell Hana's sweet smell or taste Hana's sweet mouth or touch Hana's soft skin... soon... soon... his love would be forever gone... gone from his embrace... fading away right in front of his eyes... and yet... he could do nothing... nothing at all...  
  
Then... an idea dawned on him. He would never let Hana go... never. No matter what happened, and now he had an idea just how to help his koibito. He told Kogure his decision and Kogure was shocked.  
  
"Kaede! Are you sure... are you really really sure about that decision? But..." "Nothing will change my mind... just do it, okay? Sempai, onegai..." Rukawa stared straight into Kogure's eyes. Determination could be clearly seen, so Kogure knew that whatever he said would not change Rukawa's decision.  
  
"Alright... come with me..." Kogure heaved a big sigh and started walking out of his office with Rukawa close behind.

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A/N: Ah... finally third chapter's up! I hope that this chapter will give you an idea what had happened to Hanamichi and what WILL happen to him... And gomenasai for not moving on with the plot... but... I'm sure you'll wait for the next chapter to know what'll happen, ne? Haha... okay, review please... 


	4. Chapter III

A/N: You guys... haiz... go easy on those "no, no... don't kill off Rukawa" thingies and just wait for the tensai's plot, okay? Oh no... I'm starting to sound like Hanamichi... [bashes one's head] Anyway... sorry minna-san for such such late update but my computer crashed for quite some time... haiz... well... I'll just get on with the story, ne?

Disclaimer: Just like anything you'll see on other fics.

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**Chapter III**  
  
It had been three days since Rukawa made his decision and Kogure said the report would be out today. The report took an unusually long time to come out for it usually took only less than two days to have reports like this. Rukawa was eagerly waiting for Kogure to come, but of course he was not showing it. He just sat there beside the still-unconscious Hanamichi's bed. Running his hand through those soft red locks that seemed to have become a shade duller as the days went, Rukawa whispered to Hanamichi.  
  
"Hana... soon you'll be awake... yes, indeed I've decided... I've decided to donate my heart... I have an intuition that my heart and yours will match... and mine will be suitable for you... my intuition had never been wrong... of course, once I donate my heart to you, I'll never see you again, but I, or rather my heart, will always be with you, every moment, isn't that great? And I would rather give up my life to save yours... you know that you're my life... if you're gone, there's no point living on anyway. Oh great, I think Kogure-sempai's here with the report."  
  
Rukawa turned around in his chair as he heard the door of the ward opened. But instead of the bespectacled doctor he was expecting, the one who emerged from the door totally never occurred to Rukawa. There in front of him stood a tall boy, it was Sendoh. The Ryonan ace player had not changed much since he went to the States a year ago. Nope, he still had his famous casual smile on and his hair was still ever so spiky.  
  
"What're you doing here? I thought you're in the States." Rukawa, seeing that it was not the person he was expecting, turned back to Hanamichi.  
  
"Hey! Is that your way of greeting an old friend who was away for so long?" Sendoh said as he pulled a chair and sat down opposite to Rukawa.  
  
"His condition has worsen, ne?" Now the casual smile had disappeared from Sendoh's face and was replaced with a slight concerned frown. "Why didn't you tell me in the very first place? He's my friend too, you know? My very very good friend... I treasure him a lot and will be there the instance he needs my help."  
  
"Really? It would not be of any difference if you know, will it?" It was more of a statement than a question.  
  
"Is it like that?" Sendoh raised an eyebrow and replied quietly as he stared at the red-haired boy lying there on the white hospital bed. This is no place for Hana-kun... no place at all... this does not suit him... it is so plain here... Hana-kun would die of boredom if he knew where he is now... haha... Sendoh smiled a sad smile at that private thought of the most energetic boy he had ever known.  
  
"Kaede? Oh, Sendoh, you're here too?" Kogure came into the ward to see both ace players seated at both sides of Hanamichi's bed. He had the report with him.  
  
"You have the report, sempai?" Rukawa quickly asked.  
  
"Hai."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Kaede, I don't... don't think that you'll want to bother with the report anymore."  
  
"Doushite?"  
  
"Well... we... we found a suitable heart for Hanamichi."  
  
"Hontou!" Both Rukawa and Sendoh exclaimed.  
  
"Hm."  
  
"So when'll be the operation?" Sendoh asked.  
  
What's Sendoh doing here? I thought he went home already. Kogure paused for a while before answering, "The day after tomorrow, if that's okay." At that, he cast a glance towards Sendoh and quickly back to Rukawa.  
  
"That'd be great, won't it, Rukawa?" Sendoh beamed as he bounded back to Hanamichi's side. "Then Hana-kun would be better and wake up, and both of you will be together again, ne? That'd be so great, Hana-kun would be so happy... I can't wait to see his smiling face."  
  
Rukawa just held on to Hanamichi's hand and closed his eyes as he let the news sink in. Soon... we'll be together again, Hana... isn't it great? I can't wait... Thank you, Kami-sama, thank you very much!

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A/N: So how's is it guys? I'm not killing off Rukawa and everyone's happy! Isn't that great? I know, I know, the plot's kinda moving quite slow but I'm like this... bear with me... heehee... so Review please! 


	5. Chapter IV

_A/N: Hey Guys! Gomen for the long wait for the continuation of this story but had been busy. And since today, the weather was exactly like the one I had on the day I started this fic, I decided to do one more chapter before putting it on permanent pending until my End-Of-Year exam is over._

_Also, some of you may ask why I have to use a human heart for transplant, well, it is just for the plot's sake. And if some of you find this impossible, then I apologize for the illogicalness. By the way, a normal heart transplant operation takes about 5-6 hours; but since this is transferring from one person to another... I made it longer._

_Alright, on with the story._

_/.../ denotes thoughts_

_--------- denotes change of scene_

_Disclaimer: don't skip the chapters and you'll know._

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**Chapter IV**

"Are you sure of what you're dong?"

"Yes."

"Really? You are not going to regret? I mean... there's no going back once you step into the room." /And I don't want to lose you. I don't want! But I can't say it because you only love him... I'm only your best friend... always a friend.../

"I don't know if I'll regret. But I know I'll definitely hate myself my whole life if I just let Hana-kun die."

"But Rukawa..."

"No, Rukawa cannot donate his heart... if he dies, Hana-kun would never forgive himself and will never be happy..."

"..." /And I know I'll never forgive myself for letting you go just like this./

"If I don't donate my heart, Hana-kun's going to die..."

"But..."

"No... don't worry about me. I know I make the right choice so my mind's set, don't try to dissuade me, for I know this is the best way..."

"Best way...?" /Really? I know I'm selfish... but why can't you just leave them to themselves? Do you know that...that... I love you. But I guess you'll never know because I'm a coward.../

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/This is it. The day Hana receives his new heart./ Rukawa thought as he paced the ward, waiting for the nurses to bring Hanamichi to the operation theatre, bring him to a 10-hour long operation that would bring him back to life. /And after today... I'm going to start a new life with Hana./

His thought was interrupted when two nurses came in. They pushed Hanamichi out of the room on a stretcher trolley. Rukawa quickly followed and he caught up with the moving stretcher. He grabbed Hanamichi's lifeless hand and gave it a small squeeze.

"You'll be alright soon," he said as he watched the nurses wheel his unconscious boyfriend into the operation theatre. Kogure was already all equipped with his surgery gown and gloves.

"I'll do my best... for two of my best friends are inside... one receiving life... one giving away..." Kogure patted Rukawa on his back and went into the operation theatre.

Rukawa was too nervous and worried about his boyfriend to really hear what Kogure said. The door to the operation theatre closed and Rukawa could only stare at it, sitting on the bench. All he could do now was to wait... wait for ten hours. Ten hours later, he would have his boyfriend back. Ten hours later, he would have his sunshine, his love, his life back.

But now, all he could do was to wait and put all his trust in his sempai and in Hanamichi. And he could only pray that his Hana could pull through the operation.

--------------------

A figure could be seen standing at the corner leading to the passageway of the operation theatre. He had been there for as long as that raven-haired boy had been on the bench outside the operation theatre. Maybe even longer. But he neither went over to sit on the bench nor did he remove himself from the position.

One wondered how he managed to keep in this position and not move for more than five hours. Even that boy over at the bench had stood up and stretched his legs a bit for quite a few times now. But this boy stayed in his position for he had only one thought in his mind – his best friend, the boy he had loved but did not love him back, was now half-way gone, from this world.

The tall boy by the standard of Japanese boys had short black hair that reached his ears; a clean face with soft brown eyes that shone with pain. This boy's face - no longer with his usual frown - showed real hurt and sadness. Yes, this boy was definitely enveloped in an aura of sadness and helplessness. And this boy was... Koshino Hiroaki. And he was grieving for the fact that he was losing a little of Sendoh Akira by the second and yet he did nothing; and yet, he said nothing when he should have last night. And for this, he hated himself. For this, he was going to regret his whole life.

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Six hours had past now and Rukawa was getting more anxious by the minute. The feeling was eating into him so he stood up and paced around to relive some of the trapped emotion.

/I should get a cup of coffee.../ Rukawa thought as his eyelids involuntarily slipped closed. He turned the corner but stopped. Someone was at the corner. Someone familiar.

"Ko... Koshino?"

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_A/N: Here is where I'll stop 'til exam is over. So this is PENDING permanently for 1 month or more! And sorry to all SenKosh fans _# I'm one myself... but... SORRY! #_ and sorry for the incredibly slow pace of this story. But at least I added some elements and now you know who is going to die, ne? _#sobz: poor Sendoh... Gomen nasai ne!#_ And let's just assume that Kogure and Sendoh managed to became good friends too #_I like to think that everyone is good friends with everyone... well, at least the more prominent yaoi couples.# 

_**## TBC ##**_


End file.
